Its almost 10:30 in the night. Couple of clouds are shouting on each other, complaining and swearing throughout. After every short interval, their is one of them crying foul and pouring tear drops good enough to agonise the heart of an estranged lover longing for his partner in such night.
Out of the kick and what elders say 'alhadpan' I decide to go out and eat pani puri. Kolkata street food is a blessing for people staying single and doesn't want to get married so soon. Though I am an exception. Nevertheless, I dressed up, locked the doors and here I am tip-toeing through the mud filled ways being partially drenched in the rain, singing 'kahan se aaye badraa, ghulta jaye kajra'.
Spraying mud at my pair of cigarette pants carefully hold two inches above the ground and continous attempt to save my phone from getting drenched, I have made my way to the fuchka wala and here I am enjoying the carefully made to taste extremely tangy pani fuchka. Most of the shops are shut and I can only see two shops with dim lights. One is a cigarette paan shop and the other one is a daily needs pop up shop. Sudden thought of buying eggs for the morning and I walked in the pop up shop.
The lady must be in her late 30 but visibly much older than her age. Short heighted, dark complexioned, carefully parted hair with stark red vermilion in the partings. I cant stop myself staring at her. Be it my roots to the village or the major part of life spent like that, I often get departed to that life when I see someone like that. This lady reminds me of many aunts and neighbors I have back at my birthplace wading away the mud of modernism and living a life on the path followed by ancestors.
I ordered dozen of eggs and one airfilled highly inflated packet of potato chips. I took out a 100 rupee note and flung towards the shopkeeper. All this while I couldn't notice the woman. Meanwhile she ordered something and the shopkeeper weighed 100 grams of gram.
The memories of your childhood doesnt fade even till the deathbed. Being born in a family struggling for survival with one super man called dad,earning for every one. Keeping away his materialistic desire, making sure that the education of young ones continue, all he had for himself were few pairs of khadi kurta and pajamas. The times when relatives used to visit and give us 5 rs while leaving. How that 5 rupees used to last for months? How our education were restricted to few gods and morals? We would read about a guy who takes his parents on shoulders for pilgrimage but this society never had a lesson of parents going all the way to fulfill their children's dream. Their million desires kept aside to ensure food, shelter and education. All that which is a part of the life lived and left back.
The lady held the corner of her pallu. I could clearly see a knot at the end. She starting unfolding the knots abd I had all memories being unfolded one by one. She opened the knot, childhood opened; one unfolding and l see myself happy with placed 5 rs note on my hand, other unfold and our little plans as to how will I spend it; another unfold and I saw mom opening her pallu knot recently returned from nani ka ghar; another unfold and I see few coins with zeera and turmeric with grass twigs; another unfold and I see few coins. The lady took out that 20 rupee note and was handling it to the shopkeeper. I just could not stop, myself, asked her if I can keep the note. She got puzzled at the beginning but said yes with smile. I asked shopkeeper to pay her the rest from my money.
One the way to home, the rain was same and same were the people around. I wasn't caring about the cigarette pants anymore. The phone too was lgnored. I had to save another thing now. That 20 rupee note!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
20 rupees note!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Raat!
Raat bat-baton me shadab gujar jaati hai,
waqt ki bandishen, behisaab najar aati hai.
khil si jati hai jo, nikli tere sanson se hawa,
mere hothon ko sharam se chhu, sarak jaati hai...
raat bat-baaton........
bas kal hin mile the panchhi safar me beparwah,
Aaj aashnai si har raah najar aati hai..
Raat baat baton me shadab gujar jati hai...
Saturday, October 8, 2011
There was no one out there....
Midnight, half sleep, half opened eyes,
I saw her beside me,
With the contentment of having her aside ,
and the aura of our endless love,
I extended my arm, lips half smiling, freshly kissed,
for her to rest herself and fill me with happiness of being her man,
I realised, There was no one out there.
Yeah, there was no one out there.
Walking seaside, far away from maddening crowd,
holding her hand and gazing at the very waves rising and falling,
like we falling in love all over again,
like the seagulls flying high in the sky running behind their mates,
To kiss her forehead and thank her for being the very essence of my life,
I turned aside, I realised , there was no one out there.
Yeah, there was no one out there.
Right there, beside her, when I was crying ,
telling all the reasons to her, to not to leave ,
As I would be nothing without her,
she threw my hand away, when tried holding her,
pushed me back and left, unbelievable,
To see her smiling and listening her saying,
I was fooling you Baby, I love you and will never leave you,
I turned back, there was no one out there,
Yeah, There was no one out there.
Today, when I have few friends, to walk beside,
to lend shoulders when I cry, when broken,
I often go back to see I and you together,
and then I realise, How my life was based,
On the scaffolds so damaged, A love without trust,
A fire without spark, burning us from inside.
I look at them and smile, make face and then say,
Thanks friends for being with me always,
I look deep down at my heart, smile and say,
Today I realised, You were never there.
Yeah, you were never there.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Love is so simple, yet so complicated...
which which takes you to a conclusion,
Thursday, April 23, 2009
you are me and i am myself.....
like a wonderful wind blown from heaven,
touching everything in me,
body and soul, desires and wishes,
changed every bit of me with your love,
though always said 'u have changed'.
hand in hand, soul with soul,
played every game, love to lust,
shared evrything we have,
time to time, day by day.
Passed autumn together hand in hand,
to see the blossoms in springs,
were thrown apart by wind of orthodox,
to gain belief and respect and store it for future,
as it is said to be lost after chase.
Time came and distance created,
created distance between souls,
for air to fill,
the place which was filled by love earlier.
every moment i feel, your touch, your kiss,
but passes away as the thoughts in mind,
because to store something you need a place,
and that place was your creation.
By your gentle talks, love lines, flirts and your tender, love,
which were saffolds of the tower of love,
offcourse under construction.
I have stopped evrything,
thinking, living, feeling, sensing, understanding,
why without you?
you are me, i am myself,
is there any existence of me without myself?
is what i did to you,
but still the breath never goes out without creating a pain,
because it needs you to soothe.
I want you and never want to lose, the soother, the creator, the saffold of the tower of my life,
it is all i want, and offcourse a forgiveness, but offcourse with my answers.
I want both of me and myself, with all love, tender, self respect.
i believe me that it will get myself.
Pray for me to get myself, and i want you to understand too,
that the cretor of senses,
the ocean of love,
the source of inspiration,
the base of life,
the happiness after gloom,
the confidence after win,
the light after darkness,
all this is me.
offcourse me is you and i am myself.
myself wants me.....
Saturday, April 18, 2009
when the doors of vision are closed......
When the doors of vision are closed,
you always stepped in.
comment, compliment, complaint and sometimes argument,
are the things which are most happening.
What I should, what I shouldn’t?
What I could, what I couldn’t,
is the talk, you begin,
when the doors of vision are closed,
you always stepped in.
I did this which I shouldn’t,
I’ll repeat it which I wouldn’t.
She did that, he is doing it,
he hates me, she is loving it.
She kissed him, he shouted,
he slapped her, this is, she fought at.
Is all world’s blah blah, you keep on telling me,
When the doors of vision are closed,
you always stepped in.
because I am out of sight and u are missing me tonight.
May world thinks it is wrong, but u’ll say its right.
what I want to say is that, keep on setting me right,
because it makes my living more happening and worthwhile.
I love the way you say, u are not missing me,
and you keep on reminding me hour after hour,
that u are really not missing me.
And each line shows I am really not missing.
It makes me to feel,
I have you in name of god and god in name of you,
because, its you....and only you....
When the doors of vision are closed,
who always stepped in.
Friday, April 17, 2009
when you were here.....
Yesterday,
With your presence around,
Life was alive,
Ways were feasts, written by fate,
On my palm, through the criss cross lines.
Handsome moon always blossomed, in wades of night,
Spreading around, the white, fragrance of moonlight,
along with its amaze, enveloping all around.
Every night, stars encircled and gathered around,
to claim for their bride, the handsome and happening moon,
to take home from sky’s arcade,
with the sun, the brightened bridegroom.
Trumpets were blown from all around,
and were birds dancing around, their valentines,
in their nests.
Yawning leaves, tired of weaving love nest,
with air around, with entangled temptations.
somewhere, at the dusk ,
tinkling of bells from sheep’s necks,
and sounds of bell, from the church around,
were heard, with your whisper,
and there was a lightened lamp, of your love,
somewhere in the deepest layer of my heart.
Today,
when you left me, along with your,
unfulfilled dreams and desires,
and some memories and untouched endeavours,
now, the ways are forgotten,
which leads to life and were possible only in your shadow.
Faded is the moon now and dies down,
before blossom, in wades of night,
yet the stars come and claim,
for their bride, with sun the bridegroom.
But now sky refuses to send his dearer moon, with sun.
Turned are the trumpets,
into melancholic tunes,
and has taken birth, a pain, in my heart.
Birds have forbidden to fly around,
are worried and frightened to lose, the hopes and desires,
in this storm.
Dying out, are the leaves, in pangs of separation,
with the dew drops.
Rain drops are no longer, with cloud.
Somewhere, at the dusk, is ringing
the bell, in sheep’s neck and in church somewhere around,
flames are continuously arising in my wounded heart,
along with the stove in the farmer’s kitchen.
Waves are wading in my heart,
but dried are the eyes,
like unfertile desert fields, in summers of june.
but in this darkness,
some where in the corner of my heart,
is still burning, the flame of our love,
which will keep on burning,
from ages to end, begin to doom,
unextinguished, unaffected, divinely …..