When love can't fill up the void anymore.......

Don't chase the stream,it moves ahead,
constantly!
The gap remains same, till the confluence.
The farthest you see is the nearest you get.
yet,
Don't walk towards that, the distance remains same.
Bruised, brutal, tired and tried,
collapse,
gasp, breathe and live..
Don't try, be miserable..
Let the wind take up the void,
When love cant fillup the void any more....

The much love does, fly back in time,
Appreciate, approve, criticise and love.
the fact you had it, cherished and you lived.
Don't forget, the smiles, the cuddles,the nights.
Brood! get hurt!
Recollect the walks, the baby steps forwards,
Believe!
It came till here, with you,it will.
Walk hand in hand, till forever and a little more,
Let the love breathe and relax,
or love won't fillup the void anymore...
 

A false truth....

Its mid-noon of june! The humidity in kolkata is at extreme. You can easily see the transition of a white cotton shirt to an opaque sheet draped over body within a span of half an hour. I often read in such hot sultry afternoons. Having a mid week off I am stretching body in the bed wid headphones on and a copy of the krishna key in hand.
The constant battle between the existence of krishna as mythological figure or historic is in to nerves. The facts and proofs churn the brain but the belief since childhood makes it more of a mythological god than someone who existed thousands of years ago.Cold air from cooler was working half its purpose. 

Amidst my lost connscience into a world or Tarak vakil and its word-arranged Lord Krishna, I took  a glance at my window which happened to be right in front and by side lied a small side table.It was a glance that still gives me nightmares. A tall human in prehistoric clothes and atleast a feet beard, gazing over me with red burning eyes. The look was not like the one that your beloved gives you when you reach home. It was as scary as seeing your eyeballs hanging from your own eye sockets. Within seconds I was drenched in sweat. Before I could make sense of it, There was a kid sitting at my side table. A kid possibly two or three years old and smile and some kind of assurance in that.

It wasn't world of Krishna or Tarak Vakil, it was my room, locked, a guy with a scare and stare that can burn and a kid mysteriously sitting at my side table. 

I was drenched and fearful as hell. It was too much of abnormal to deal with all of a sudden. Within a fraction of second, I saw a hand approaching towards me from the window, Just a fist. well, I have seen various movies with such shit, but this was a time when shit actually got real. In addition, I was paralysed. I couldn't move. Tears rolling from eyes and bedsheet totally drenched in sweat. A corner of the eye and I see the kid from table smiling. I was brain frozen. 

A fierce punch on my chest and that kid's hand in between. I felt a blow that still makes me wake up from sleeps but a mellowed down one. Two hands extending where one comes from window and other from far in the corner, a brain frozen, a bedsheet drenched. A huge blow on my chest I stopped breathing.

When I opened my eyes, felt like I slept for longer than expected. The krishna key lying beside with a page open and various seals imprinted. Bedsheet was drenched and doors were shut. There was no one window and no kid smiling at the corner table. My chest pained. I took off my shirt to see the Iron tabeez I wore. It was smashed into pieces. A proof freaking enough to make one shit in pants. It wasn't a dream of a sultry afternoon. I had pictures of broken tabeez for a longer time but the fear and experience will go to the grave.I still wonder at times about the kid, the guy with beards,the two extending hand and that fierce blow on my chest. 

20 rupees note!

Its almost 10:30 in the night. Couple of clouds are shouting on each other, complaining and swearing throughout. After every short interval, their is one of them crying foul and pouring tear drops good enough to agonise the heart of an estranged lover longing for his partner in such night.
Out of the kick and what elders say 'alhadpan' I decide to go out and eat pani puri. Kolkata street food is a blessing for people staying single and doesn't want to get married so soon. Though I am an exception.  Nevertheless,  I dressed up, locked the doors and here I am tip-toeing through the mud filled ways being partially drenched in the rain, singing 'kahan se aaye badraa, ghulta jaye kajra'.
Spraying mud at my pair of cigarette pants carefully hold two inches above the ground and continous attempt to save my phone from getting drenched, I have made my way to the fuchka wala and here I am enjoying the carefully made to taste extremely tangy pani fuchka. Most of the shops are shut and I can only see two shops with dim lights. One is a cigarette paan shop and the other one is a daily needs pop up shop. Sudden thought of buying eggs for the morning and I walked in the pop up shop.
The lady must be in her late 30 but visibly much older than her age. Short heighted, dark complexioned, carefully parted hair with  stark red vermilion in the partings. I cant stop myself staring at her. Be it my roots to the village or the major part of life spent like that, I often get departed to that life when I see someone like that. This lady reminds me of many aunts and neighbors I have back at my  birthplace wading away the mud of modernism and living a life on the path followed by ancestors.
I ordered dozen of eggs and one airfilled highly inflated packet of  potato chips. I took out a 100 rupee note and flung towards the shopkeeper. All this while I couldn't notice the woman. Meanwhile she ordered something and the shopkeeper weighed 100 grams of gram.
The memories of your childhood doesnt fade even till the deathbed. Being born in a family struggling for survival with one super man called dad,earning for every one. Keeping away his materialistic desire, making sure that the education of young ones continue, all he had for himself were few pairs of khadi kurta and pajamas. The times when relatives used to visit and give us 5 rs while leaving. How that 5 rupees used to last for months? How our education were restricted to few gods and morals? We would read about a guy who takes his parents on shoulders for pilgrimage but this society never had a lesson of parents going all the way to fulfill their children's dream. Their million desires kept aside to ensure food, shelter and education. All that which is a part of the life lived and left back.
The lady held the corner of her pallu. I could clearly see a knot at the end. She starting unfolding the knots abd I had all memories being unfolded one by one. She opened the knot, childhood opened; one unfolding and l see myself happy with placed 5 rs note on my hand, other unfold and our little plans as to how will I spend it; another unfold and I saw mom opening her pallu knot recently returned from nani ka ghar; another unfold and I see few coins with zeera and turmeric with grass twigs; another unfold and I see few coins. The lady took out that 20 rupee note and was handling it to the shopkeeper.  I just could not stop, myself, asked her if I can keep the note. She got puzzled at the beginning but said yes with smile. I asked shopkeeper to pay her the rest from my money.
One the way to home, the rain was same and same were the people around. I wasn't caring about the cigarette pants anymore. The phone too was lgnored. I had to save another thing now. That 20 rupee note!

Raat!

Raat bat-baton me  shadab gujar jaati hai,
waqt ki bandishen, behisaab najar aati hai.
khil si jati hai jo, nikli tere sanson se hawa,
mere hothon ko sharam se chhu, sarak jaati hai...
raat bat-baaton........
bas kal hin mile the  panchhi safar me  beparwah,
Aaj aashnai si har raah najar aati hai..
Raat baat baton me shadab gujar jati hai...

There was no one out there....

Midnight, half sleep, half opened eyes,
I saw her beside me,
With the contentment of having her aside ,
and the aura of our endless love,
I extended my arm, lips half smiling, freshly kissed,
for her to rest herself and fill me with happiness of being her man,
I realised, There was no one out there.
Yeah, there was no one out there.

Walking seaside, far away from maddening crowd,
holding her hand and gazing at the very waves rising and falling,
like we falling in love all over again,
like the seagulls flying high in the sky running behind their mates,
To kiss her forehead and thank her for being the very essence of my life,
I turned aside, I realised , there was no one out there.
Yeah, there was no one out there.

Right there, beside her, when I was crying ,
telling all the reasons to her, to not to leave ,
As I would be nothing without her,
she threw my hand away, when tried holding her,
pushed me back and left, unbelievable,
To see her smiling and listening her saying,
I was fooling you Baby, I love you and will never leave you,
I turned back, there was no one out there,
Yeah, There was no one out there.

Today, when I have few friends, to walk beside,
to lend shoulders when I cry, when broken,
I often go back to see I and you together,
and then I realise, How my life was based,
On the scaffolds so damaged, A love without trust,
A fire without spark, burning us from inside.
I look at them and smile, make face and then say,
Thanks friends for being with me always,
I look deep down at my heart, smile and say,
Today I realised, You were never there.
Yeah, you were never there.

Love is so simple, yet so complicated...

Love is so complicated yet so simple..!!!

Can take the hell out of you,still keeping you cool and calm.

love is so complicated yet so simple..

Its shows you a way, way which is too tough to follow,

yet madly followed by you,
which which takes you to a conclusion,

conclusion which concludes nothing.

conclusion which you never want to opt for,

but thats how it concludes your feeling,

so simply, so beautifully, so truely,

love is so complicated yet so simple..

So complicated that sometimes its too tough to smile,

so simple that just a smile of the one you love, makes you complete.

So complicated that you simply can't face the one you love easily,

yet so simple that all you want is just a glimpse of her.

So simple that you promise to keep her happy anyhow,

so complicated that to keep her happy, you keep your very own feelings unknown to her.

Love is so simple yet so complicated.

Its so simple when,

the one whom you love, loves you back with same intensity,

Its complicated when,

the one whom you love, loves someone else with same intensity..

LOVE is so simple, yet so complicated!!!!!!!

you are me and i am myself.....

You came in my life,
like a wonderful wind blown from heaven,
touching everything in me,
body and soul, desires and wishes,
changed every bit of me with your love,
though always said 'u have changed'.

We chased summers, springs, autumn,
hand in hand, soul with soul,
played every game, love to lust,
shared evrything we have,

hide and seek, fight and apologise,
time to time, day by day.
Passed autumn together hand in hand,
to see the blossoms in springs,
were thrown apart by wind of orthodox,
to gain belief and respect and store it for future,
as it is said to be lost after chase.
Time came and distance created,
created distance between souls,
for air to fill,
the place which was filled by love earlier.

Eyes still weep, heart still pains,
every moment i feel, your touch, your kiss,
but passes away as the thoughts in mind,
because to store something you need a place,
and that place was your creation.
By your gentle talks, love lines, flirts and your tender, love,
which were saffolds of the tower of love,
offcourse under construction.
I have stopped evrything,
thinking, living, feeling, sensing, understanding,
why without you?
you are me, i am myself,
is there any existence of me  without myself?

why am i goin through?
is what i did to you,
but still the breath never goes out without creating a pain,
because it needs you to soothe.
I want you and never want to lose, the soother, the creator, the saffold of the tower of my life,
it is all i want, and offcourse a forgiveness, but offcourse with my answers.
I want both of me and myself, with all love, tender, self respect.

If i am deserving, and you listen to your heart,
i believe me that it will get myself.
Pray for me to get myself, and i want you to understand too,
that the cretor of senses,
the ocean of love,
the source of inspiration,
the base of life,
the happiness after gloom,
the confidence after win,
the light after darkness,
all this is me.
offcourse me is you and i am myself.
myself wants me.....

come back i love and adore you..........